50 Day Journal From An Arcane Place

Emily had lots of dreams the night before. She journaled about it and thought about things she can do to earn money when she gets out but is still on probation. She thought that she would like to apply for a grant. Another thought was writing a book like Ronald Alexander's, "Wise Mind, Open Mind." She thought of using inmates as a target audience. Dr. Alexander is about James' age. Dr. Alexander gave a speech in Washington, D.C. during the Vietnam war. She thought that perhaps she could start a practice similar to Dr. Alexander's in Atlanta with probationers as clients. She wouldn't move there but she wanted to incorporate her writing time with working with the inmates. She thought of working as a trustee there and finish her novel (or her memoir that is fictionalized). She thought of how her stories could be blogs or short stories.

"The past should not be followed and the future not desired: For what's past is dead and gone, and the future is yet to come."                   -Majjhima Nikaya III:131 Emily continued her readings and learning to meditate. She learned that she can not change others. She took notes on "HOW TO PERFORM MINDFULNESS MEDITATION." Step 1: Get in a comfortable position. Sitting down or lying down with eyes slightly open. Step 2: Focus your eyes on one spot like the "third eye" (middle of forehead) Step 3: Pay attention to your breathing, when inhaling think "in," or "rising," or "comfort," or "surrender. When exhaling think "out," or " falling away," or "letting go," or "release." Step 4: Place your hands in a relaxing and energizing mudra position. Step 5: Be Aware Step 6: Slowly come back into ordinary consciousness -Take three long, slow

CHUGUG, CHUGGUG, CHUGGUG...Emily was awakened by the opening of the cell doors. Samantha told her that it is breakfast time. "At 5am," she thought? But she got down from her top bunk, bruising her shins as she moves down the steps. She looked at the steel above the sink that is supposed to serve as a mirror, brushed her teeth and stepped out the cell with Samantha and the rest of the pod mates. Everyone formed a line. The officer came in and checked to make sure the cell doors are closed. As soon as she stepped out the food trays were distributed. As the line depleted, it came for Emily's turn to get her tray. After which she looked around at the tables and chairs to choose a place for her to sit in. She chose a table that had no one else sitting on it. She sat down and started to eat, but as soon as the food touched her tongue her brain registered its blandness. She thought, "it's like putting cardboard in your mouth." She tried another bite, but couldn

James and Emily left the hotel room at 8:30 am to make sure to report to Atlanta Jail at 9:00am just as the judge had sentenced her to do two months ago. Before leaving the hotel room she took all of her medicines because she wasn't sure she will be able to bring them with her. That was her biggest fear. (She had been on an antidepressant since 2002. She tried weaning herself off of it twice before she got pregnant in 2006. It was a painful and horrible experience). James drove. She didn't pack anything. This is one trip that required no packing. When she called to get the information she asked if she needed to bring underwear and the person on the other end responded, "we clothe you." She did bring eight books: A leather journal, leather datebook, "Wise Mind / Open Mind," "Accused," "The Glass Castle," "Soul Without Shame," "You Have Chosen To Remember," and "What's Your Book?" She was hoping they will l